欢迎您访问程序员文章站本站旨在为大家提供分享程序员计算机编程知识!
您现在的位置是: 首页

西瓜籽吃多了,自然会怀孕的

程序员文章站 2022-05-27 13:52:35
...
Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML

现在的小孩儿真逆天了,今天白天我老公骗我闺女说她是我吃西瓜籽儿生出来的,结果你猜怎么着,我午睡呢,感觉有个人在杵我的嘴,我闺女在我午休的时候偷偷的往我嘴里塞西瓜籽呢。   FML



Today, after a long session(n. 会议;(法庭的)开庭;(议会等的)开会;学期;讲习会) of working through numbers, I told our accountant that he deserved a drink. He assumed I was asking him out for a drink and hastily told me that he needed to get home to his wife. FML

楼主,女,公司负责人,今天晚上我们公司的会计加班到很晚,我觉着应该鼓励一下,于是就说“走吧,我请你喝一杯”,结果你说你一脸惊恐的说自己已经结婚了是几个意思?FML



Today, I found out that my aunt has suggested to the rest of my family I'm a pervert, just because I agreed when my 4-year-old sister was scared to use a public bathroom by herself, and asked me to come with her. FML

囧了,我四岁的妹妹害怕去公共浴池,然后哀求我跟她一起去,于是为了安慰我妹妹我就假装答应了,结果刚好被我姑妈听见了,现在我们全家可能都认为我有点儿变态。FML



Today, after 6 months of unemployment and jobs searching, I showed up to my new job 10 minutes early. My new supervisor confusedly greeted me and informed me I was in fact a week and 10 minutes early. HR changed my start date and told everyone but me. FML

囧了,失业了6个月,终于找到一份工作,为了好好表现,我提前十分钟到了公司,嗯,问题是我的新领导告诉我我实际上提前来了一个星期零十分钟。。。HR把我的入职时间改了,但是没有告诉我。FML



Today, I received a Saturday detention because the assignment I'd handed in had different handwriting. I've been practicing my handwriting skills for the past month. FML

囧了,最近一直在不停的练习书法,关键进步比较大。。。然后悲剧了,我们老师让我周六叫家长,因为我最近提交的作业看起来是好几种字体。。。。   FML



Today, I found out that the chefs at my work can't spell for shit. FML

想捉弄一下朋友,所以想送一个特异的蛋糕,但是我们这边的厨师跟我讲他不会拼写“shit(*)”,兄弟们你们说我是不是被人给耍了?。FML



Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I was "angry" at him. I was angry because last night he turned off his phone and left me locked out of the Airbnb that I had paid for. Until 3 am. In a foreign country. FML

有些事情,散了就散了吧,刚才我男朋友因为我生气就跟我分手了,就算他不分,我也要分了,昨天晚上他把手机关机了,结果导致我预订的酒店没法入住(用他的手机预定的),问题是昨晚上我可是在国外,一个人孤零零的等到凌晨三点。   FML

原文地址:http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/27