被鸽子欺负是什么样的体验
程序员文章站
2022-05-27 13:52:17
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摘要: 狗急了会跳墙，兔子急了能蹬鹰，这鸽子急了。。。
Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML
喜欢了一年多的一个女孩居然是GAY，把姑娘约到我们家，结果她神秘兮兮的说要跟我宣布一件重大的事情，我以为她要说她也爱我，结果丫跟我讲希望我也能接受她的女朋友。FML
Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML
备胎不可怕，可怕的是备胎还被人耍，有个很好的男性朋友，平常关系处的特别的好，我以为我们已经成为男女朋友了呢，结果今天跟大家讲他已经2年没跟人上过床，于是我就指出来他在撒谎，结果他一本正经的跟人说“绝对没有，怎么会有人跟我上床呢”，我，你妹的，咱们六个月前就开始上床，这几个月就上了三次了。FML
Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML
现在在警察局录口供，原因是因为袭击国家公务人员，不是我，是我儿子，我给他买了一只彩弹枪（跟真枪很像，只是发射彩蛋），结果今天邮局的车来的时候，熊孩子拿着枪冲了上去打了一梭子。FML
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
楼主暗恋一个男孩好久，结果我的这个男孩跟我的室友出去开房了，别问我咋知道的，我的室友现在还在四处哔哔他们的经验。 FML
Today, while at a funeral（n. 葬礼；麻烦事 adj. 丧葬的，出殡的） for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML
"I am still alive"在某些场合被用来说明自己现在有空可以提供帮助，但是这句话的字面意思是我还活着，此为前提，楼主是一个收银员，每天如果自己这边人比较少的时候就会说"I am still alive"来让顾客到自己这边，结果今天因为这个差点儿被打死，去参加一个远亲的葬礼，我过去向他们的家人表示慰问，然后有个人就很客气的跟问我觉着在这里咋样，楼主脑袋一抽，“I am still alive”（葬礼呢，说我还活着呢，人家听起来是讽刺的意思），当时人家亲属的脸就绿了。FML
Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML
千万不要让小孩子做副驾驶，今天路上堵车，我儿子不知道什么时候把我的档位给我挂成了倒挡，终于绿灯了，楼主一脚油门。 FML
Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon（n. 鸽子） came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML
挺大个人了今天被鸽子欺负了，买了个汉堡在路上吃呢，突然不知道从哪儿来个一群鸽子，突然有一只鸽子冲过来啄了一口我的汉堡，我一愣，然后好几十只鸽子一下子全冲我来了，吓得老子撒丫子就跑，最后人也摔了，汉堡也被鸽子抢跑了。FML
原文地址：http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/23
Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML
喜欢了一年多的一个女孩居然是GAY，把姑娘约到我们家，结果她神秘兮兮的说要跟我宣布一件重大的事情，我以为她要说她也爱我，结果丫跟我讲希望我也能接受她的女朋友。FML
Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML
备胎不可怕，可怕的是备胎还被人耍，有个很好的男性朋友，平常关系处的特别的好，我以为我们已经成为男女朋友了呢，结果今天跟大家讲他已经2年没跟人上过床，于是我就指出来他在撒谎，结果他一本正经的跟人说“绝对没有，怎么会有人跟我上床呢”，我，你妹的，咱们六个月前就开始上床，这几个月就上了三次了。FML
Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML
现在在警察局录口供，原因是因为袭击国家公务人员，不是我，是我儿子，我给他买了一只彩弹枪（跟真枪很像，只是发射彩蛋），结果今天邮局的车来的时候，熊孩子拿着枪冲了上去打了一梭子。FML
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
楼主暗恋一个男孩好久，结果我的这个男孩跟我的室友出去开房了，别问我咋知道的，我的室友现在还在四处哔哔他们的经验。 FML
Today, while at a funeral（n. 葬礼；麻烦事 adj. 丧葬的，出殡的） for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML
"I am still alive"在某些场合被用来说明自己现在有空可以提供帮助，但是这句话的字面意思是我还活着，此为前提，楼主是一个收银员，每天如果自己这边人比较少的时候就会说"I am still alive"来让顾客到自己这边，结果今天因为这个差点儿被打死，去参加一个远亲的葬礼，我过去向他们的家人表示慰问，然后有个人就很客气的跟问我觉着在这里咋样，楼主脑袋一抽，“I am still alive”（葬礼呢，说我还活着呢，人家听起来是讽刺的意思），当时人家亲属的脸就绿了。FML
Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML
千万不要让小孩子做副驾驶，今天路上堵车，我儿子不知道什么时候把我的档位给我挂成了倒挡，终于绿灯了，楼主一脚油门。 FML
Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon（n. 鸽子） came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML
挺大个人了今天被鸽子欺负了，买了个汉堡在路上吃呢，突然不知道从哪儿来个一群鸽子，突然有一只鸽子冲过来啄了一口我的汉堡，我一愣，然后好几十只鸽子一下子全冲我来了，吓得老子撒丫子就跑，最后人也摔了，汉堡也被鸽子抢跑了。FML
原文地址：http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/23